run run run

i am goin out to jogging
cz i don wan stay in room anymore
i wan splash out my stress
i don wan stay the bad situation anymore
i wil run until i feel tired
thn i jz bac home

is crazy

bt tis the way i are

ciao~ I GO NOW

DEEP BLUE

I notice bac hw long i nv login tis dust fully blog.It is long tim ago..
Cz i gt no tim to update n i gt not intrest to write anythin..
Bt tonite..tis blog gv me a little space to let me speak out wat i feel nw..
I feel blue nw..i feel down nw..n i feel sad nw..i get deep blue rite nw..
Anyone can hear me?
Friend? Parents? Relatives? GF? Or even jz a stranger..
No one..tonite i fil totally lonely..i get blue..
Deep blue..

Tis few week..i was worry somethin was bothering me serious..
GF bday..prom nite ticket..assignment..
All abt money..i got no time to save more money to afford those kind of thin n activity.
And i gt no chance to save money..avweek spend finsih..no body knw actually knw i wan save money buy somethin for myself..
avweek same..same..
and i was feel numb..starting feel no more hope..jz dream tat thin whn i slip..
I try to count my money.save..don eat lunch at skul..less activity..less spending..
bt finally..oso gone..

i try to 4get all those stuff n keep grow the speed of my assignment..i do..i do..nv rest..slip at midnite..wakeup at 6 mornin..somemore stil gt tuition..

until..i go shopin center find a parttime job..i hv to force myself spend all the time..wifout any relax..no more..n my mind start feel tired..i knw i wil break down one day..
bt i tel myself..hwever wat situation..keep silent..n do it n do it..is ok.

friday..is jz a normal day 4 me..i rush many stuff of my assignment at lastnite until i slip at 4..n i wakeup at 8..i continue do my design..non stop..no one knw..n i nv aspect i wil soo hard workin..i am change..change alot..
finally i done.n i bring the thumb to print wif the happy mind..cz i finally i can get abit relax chance..
suddnely..car accident..i am lazy talking abt the process dy..i serious accident..i cant use my car mayb one or two week..
i get scold frm parents..no one wil support me..even i say i din speedy..i swear..
i quite..i silent..i walkup to my room..lock it..open my laptop n act lik ntg..c the msic video i like..
my tears was slowly drop down frm my eye..as u knw..i giveup ady..my heart n my mind ady over limit..
all those bad stuff drop to me shorty..i cant control my tears..bt i keep tel me brain don cry pls..i am a man..pls..

i lock my door n i stay inside my room util one of my neighbor ask me com out to eat dinner.,n he don knw wat was happen b4..
i eat wif him..talk all those rubbish stuff..nv touch my accident story..

i realize one thin..sometim one simple talk can make me happy..n it jz serve frm mamak..a cheap mamak store..no alcohol..no hot chick..no music..and i realzie tis is wat i wan..
wat i aspect wil happen bt nv com..
my close fd nv ask me..nv cal me...
my GF? whn i nid her by myside..it wont bcom truth..nv n nv..and i fil fuckin duper disappointing..avtime oso same..even last time..

and i tel myself..i jz a crow..whn ppl nid me i com out..whn ppl happy dy..they wont rmbr n miss me..tats it..
so i tel myself..i wont b the crow again..nv..i wil b bac wat am i..i wont fil sry n shame to u all..even u close wif me..

4.30am..i stil cant slip..cz my mind ady drop to deep deep blue..i start less talkin..i din com out the room..jz facing the comp wifout any reason..and i numb.

saturday..i skip all 3/4 part..evening..i go relatives hse wif my family eating buffet..
some of my relatives tel me somethin hurting word to me..say me do many wrong thin..say me crash the car..
u wan change new car izit? thn go buy la y wan crash the car..n i silent bt showing my smile face to all.
i fil tat moment i am not here..i take a beer..n i walking out n nv tellin them..i drink the beer in road..i sit down at the bus stop station..vry lonely n vry down..handphone no any msg..no any call..is empty..
the ppl i hope she can stay wif me bt she nt..she nt free..she go happy..wat the situation..soo hurt..n stil soo hurt..n soo deeply hurt..

a msg com out..my neighbor again..ask me drink later.
ni standup n walk to his hse wif my non finish beer..in fact..the beer is the oni one fd by my side..funny..bt i cant smile..

stil same..a mamak rubbish talk..two of my neighbor acc me..i nv tel them my stuff.jz keep talkin rubbish thin.my fon nv ring..my msg box was stil empty..the ppl most close wif me nv find me..cz she is happy nw..is damn happy..n i notice.avthin stil same lik last time..nv change..jz talk cock n promise cock..n i stil lik a stupid...

bac hom..no mood to slip even i am vry tired..my eye is red..my face was lok lik old ppl..cz i am down for 2 day..nv stop..
i write the blog most longer in my life..i think so..
cz i gt anot thin wana tel ppl..bt i knw no one wil understand me n no one wil spend they tim to listen..i fuck u all..i rely fuck

thks guo lian..thks yan hong..thks mamak..
n thks those fuckin ppl n fuckin stuff..
u let me learn somethin important in my life..thks fuck ppl..

2.45am..she havent bac..n no msg n no call..good..

thn enjoy yrself..n yrself..

i wont wait u anymore..i feel speechless..

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